But then I get a random resume 2 months after the post is filled and that sense of duty evaporates.
Online Dating Etiquette: Not Interested, Here’s What to Say
But is it truly wise to say no? If I saw him in a store I would duck rapidly down the nearest aisle and get out. Why should i behave differently online. Towards the end, he asked: I think its rude. Especially if someone takes the time to write a message. They are clearly interested in you.
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The least you can do is say thank you but no thank you. Its a coward move…. Plus its good karma. I completely disagree with your points. It is polite, and with class. We are told to write a personalized message, to reach the other person, to invest time, and effort in reading, and understanding the profile that she has created for us to read, and our introduction has to reflect that.
Hence, a personalized approach and investment into what the profile reads. Once I have done that, and I have crafted a personalized message, checked my grammar, checked appropriateness, checked for good taste, and send it over. I understand not everybody will like me and jump immediately to reply. We all have our own types, and likes, and dislikes.
So, whenever I receive an interest email from a woman who I do not find attractive, or does not fit my criteria, I simply politely reply, thank you, but not interested, and wish you luck. It is only a couple of seconds. That is all what is necessary. When I receive those, which I have, I understand they have read my email, I am not guessing what is on her mind, and she said no. I move on to the next one, and do not bother her anymore.
I only initiated few emails, and I had received no response at all. But it became backfire for me, since those guys would keep chasing me, sending emails. Other online situation, other that online dating, I still believe that giving a reply is obligatory. I found this site helpful as I started online dating within the past month.
I find that it goes either way with category 2 men: At times I have really enjoyed initial chats, but ultimately decide to close that door, and these men seem to have a decent level of etiquette and no WWIII occurs…. My focus is the men of category 1 and 3: It has always, always, devolved into a back-and-forth, ending with me blocking them: This man, however, clearly thought of himself as a catch: I indicated that, having been open to this dating style in the past, I was clearly neither making assumptions nor against the process.
I simply reiterated I respected his process and I should hope that he could respect mine, as we both created our process from our past experiences. I again thanked him for keeping the dialogue respectful, and wished him the best as we go our separate ways. Hoping I would not have to hear from him again, he replied three messages worth: I think about these types of men and how they would treat a woman in public, or in private. So, in sum, I agree—no message is the online version of averting the gaze, to show disinterest.
Rejection is built into online dating. Politeness should be too
Once I messaged back such a suitor and he took umbrage to the point of continuing to send me sarcastic, insulting messages so that I had to block him. Guys have passed me over and a few have explained that I was too old even though they were my age or older and they had no stated age criteria or too thin. Signing up can involve some uncomfortable self-promotion. Inevitably, people whom we have chosen not to approach then approach us.
A degree of thick skinnedness is a prerequisite. And sometimes the mechanics of an app does the job for us. Tinder cuts to the chase or rather cuts out the chase by making it mutual interest or nothing. There are, of course, stages to choosing and to meeting. The certainty, let alone the acronym, cannot help but suggest the opposite.
Luckily, we had none. There are numerous, individually perceived reasons for a no at the outset. Generally, at least, they go unvoiced. In the event of mutual interest, stage two can be a phone call. When you haven't met the person, ignore. Even though I don't place huge emotions in whatever happens with online dating, it kind of sucks to see you have a new message, open it and get a no.
I usually just think the person is full of themselves enough to think I'm just hanging on their reply. I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them. Agreeing that no response is the usual internet dating way to handle this. It's important to remember that e-dating values are different than RL values for better or worse , and not responding is perfectly OK, even preferred. That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'.
And then do not communicate any further, even when prodded. I'll go against the grain and say it strikes me a guy as polite to send a quick I'll-pass note, 'specially if the person's taken the time to write more than a sentence or two. If you're concerned about follow-ups, you can send the note and block the people.
Goodness, ignoring people is the polite thing nowadays? I much more would rather get a 'thank you, but no thank you' response then being blanked. Unless someone is being a jerk, or being aggressive, not responding just seems like the easy-for-me avoidance solution, not the polite solution.
Polite to me way to do it: I am sorry, but I am not interested right now. Either Ambient2 or edgeways notes are fine. Sure they may be bummed, but at least they'll know where they stand and they can move onto someone else. Random ladies you don't know, I think it's safe to ignore. No wondering if the person got your email, and no awkwardness. A quick response and onto the next person. I agree that "Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match" is the polite way to go. It's how I'd want to be treated so I used that as my guide.
I generally vote for "ignore" in these situations, but I have experience with this sort of situation that makes me feel like you may want to actually say something. When a person that I knew from around town -- not a friend, acquaintance, or even someone I'd ever actually spoken with, just someone I'd seen around at a few topical events -- found me on OKC, he wrote me a message immediately asking me out on a date. I ignored it because he was so very much not my type physically that it would be an impossible gap to breach, many of his OKC answers were diametrically opposed to mine including the fact that he wanted kids and I do not, which is dealbreaker territory in your 30s ; besides, we did not actually know each other at all.
Ignoring his message felt similar to ignoring those gas station attendants that always ask you for your phone number when you just want to buy gas. A month or so later, I disabled my account because having an exceedingly busy life had utterly superseded any desire to date. A few days later, he found my email address we belong to a local email list that, hatefully, does not use blind carbon copy and sent me an message asking if he was the reason I disabled my OKC account.
At that point, I stopped attending the events I would see him at and never again returned. When I see him now, I avert my eyes. He did not have the courage to ever speak to me in person, ever: Thinking that disabling my OKC account had anything to do with him whatsoever: I should have just said no. I've literally never gotten a "thanks, but no thanks" response online , but I definitely have after I've gone on multiple, increasingly awkward dates with people who did not like me at all but were, I guess, trying to be nice?
There's no need to waste everyone's time with that approach. Please do not just go on dates with these women. As a lady who is currently seeking a dude to date, and who is often the initiator in these sorts of situations, I can attest that we are mostly adults who can handle honest rejection so long as it is delivered quickly and with minimal fuss -- truly, it is OK! In fact, I think dudes I like who reject me as a prospective partner right up front are pretty sweet for having the nerve to just rip the band-aid off, and I have gone on to be good friends with some of them as a result.
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The only way these women could possibly think poorly of you is if you are rude in declining their invitations, or if you agree to take them out on dates while already knowing you did not want to be involved with them in any way. The fact that you're not romantically interested in them will have to come out sooner or later, right? You shouldn't try to fake it and ignore your own feelings in hopes that you will be able to spare someone else from discomfort. We will never be able to spare people from discomfort, even if we do everything they want us to do.
And the person you would attempt to force yourself to date would notice how hollow your words and actions are, sooner or later. Dropping a quick note with something like "I'm flattered that you'd like to go out on a date with me, but I just don't think we'd make a good match romantically.
Take care, best of luck! I would respond to someone if I knew them outside of the dating site. I message people sometimes and forget about it pretty quickly no matter how much I liked their profile. I'm only going to remember you if you message me back. The only time I start to get into someone if is we have a couple of messages back and forth and it looks like we might meet, but that's regardless of whether I messaged first or the guy did. I would be really disappointed if I found out someone went on a date with me out of some sort of guilty feeling of obligation.
I message lots of people on dating sites.
https://hagigesnaling.ml If every single guy who wasn't into me wrote to explain that I would just cry.